live it up

you oughta know, i mean these are things you should know

2007-10-25T05:59:25Z

my roomie is in a relationship. she refuses to fall in love tho. but she is in a relationship. i am not in a relationship. i just love/like/adore/etc. extremely hard. i don't even know why and how, but its quite evident.

i'm just real frustrated right about now. i swear...all i need is one chance. just one and i'll get right in where i fit in. i pinkie swear, all day.

baby, won't you please be mine. if you really don't mind, won't you be my lover?

neon_brite @ 2007-10-19T00:25:00

2007-10-19T04:30:41Z

i really would love to write everyday...like back in the day. but i just never have the time.

how do i feel right now. i dunno. my stomach is hurting..urrrrgh and my nose is stopped up. and its been that way for at least a week and a half. i would much rather be at home then in this cold dorm room. but i do like greensboro. i wish i could reach my socks without having to get up. i need to throw this darn cup away. i need some more inspriational literature. because i'm sooooo serious about God and i wanna know all i can. i really like this song.

...um yeah that was what was going through my head.

let's be...

2007-06-07T18:27:53Z

that movement that is you....is amazing.
i just want to be apart of it. let me be apart of it.

i'm trusting God to direct our paths tho.
we could be old lovas, young at heart, puppy lovas, big ole kids, both of us, co-exisit, hand in hand, we could be ripe....

allllll smiles

just so i'll know yrs from now

2007-04-30T03:29:55Z

i want to do a scrapbook of my 1st yr in college (and i will)...but its oh so hard, so hard to do because i don't really know what happened when. urrrgh...i need to know! that is why i have made the decision to attempt to write as much as i can...just so i'll know.

ok so life is luuuvly. i mean its definitely not perfect but IT IS luuuvly...its what u make of it boo, and i'm makin it luuuvly! i'm excited about school begin almost over! i am past ready to be at home. i just can not wait.

on to love type things...the end, lol nah. i now realize just how important it really is to know exactly who you are. for the longest time [theeeeeeeeeee looooooongest time!] i really thought that i wanted/needed a thug in my life. ha! i guess i've figured out some things about this young lady i've become and i now know that is all messed up. i want and deserve more boo. i would love to be in a great relationship (as opposed to those that i've been in) but i really don't have the time and or energy to waste on someone/thing that really isn't going to be worth it in the end. i would say i'm content being by myself, but i'm really not alone. credit can not go to me for my discovering..GOD is to be praised for His wonderfulness! i'm soooo grateful, sooo grateful. so again, with Him, i'm never alone boo!

i guess that is enough for now...

this is how it will always end up.....always

2006-11-05T17:46:35Z

so yeah i'm kinda doing that thing again. that thing were i have those stupid [extremely stupid] feelings.

its tha saddest thing i think i'll eva noe. its clearly something that i cant control. its like its out of mah hands and if i so much as try to do something about it, its really no use in tha end. reminising on tha past is kinda crazy because all tha bad outweighs tha good by like a million. and even with that i'm happy with those memories. its not right. honestly its tha wrongest [no that isn't a word] thing.

everything about it is just so wrong but i cant see past that good. that small piece of good in that big bowl of wrong. there are a million reason why i shouldn't [and wont] and then there is that one reason why [maybe] i should.

its like tha sweetest pain. tha sweetest. tha second best feeling i have experienced in mah eighteen years of life. to me its tha equivalent of ultimate freedom, ultimate carefreeness [this too is not a word]. that is when its good...when is like it is supposed to be. i would give [and have given] up a lot to feel that feeling one, two , fifty more times.

but then after i think about it, clearly; after i get in tha rite state of mind, i realize just how stupid this all really is. how bad i feel once its over, how many tears i have cryed because of pointless b/s, how much time and energy i have wasted, how much i've given with any kind of reciporcation [not sure about that spelling]. and tha most important thing i realize is how much better i am than this. i am sooo much more, i am so much better than this. i am a child of the King, therefore i deserve only tha best. and this one is certainly not tha best of anything [yeah that could be kinda offensive but dont take it in tha context]. i realize how promising mah future is without all tha stress, baggage, etc that comes along with this. i realize i love me and not you.

~~&hearts;~~

i feel like being deep and what not...lj duh!

2006-10-23T04:20:53Z

when i start writing/reading mah journal i feel sooo...deep.

i kinda miss this.
its been quite sum time....maybe too long.

the last time i posted i wuz still in high skool and i wuz one of those silly lil kids. that wuz then and this is definitely now. ohkay so i'm in college now...uncg to be exact. and i really dont think it get much betta than this. no parents yet i'm not fully responsible for mah life; its like eatin everything in tha grocery store and not having to clean up tha mess u've made. in the simpliest terms....yea for college, lol.

other than ^ that i'm pretty boring and what not (<oh that is mah new phrase). but i kinda luuuv and miss livejournal so i'mma try to post daily. if not for mah "friends" for mahself becuz lookin bak at tha past can be very interestin and amusing.

&.hearts.;

neon_brite @ 2006-03-10T09:44:00

2006-03-10T15:01:06Z

postin is hard to do.....but i'mma try really hard to update on mah life.

well so many things have happened to me and i just feel tha need to write them all day at this very moment. to begin i had a boyfriend. yeah it didnt last very long just because...well i'm not really sure why. oh ok maybe i am. i did and maybe i still do care about him but it just was not workin...i mean not workin at all. he one the other hand thout things were going wonderful, so the break up came to him as a complete surprise. which kinda made me sad, but yeah i got over that with a serious quickness.
next.....and maybe the most important...there is somebody that i really do care a ton about. like its so serious that its kinda crazy. i think about him constantly and i noe that deep (maybe very deep) down he cares about me...even if it is a very small amount. i mean its just sumthing that is there...sumthing that i cant explain. its really confusing and i'm just sooooooooooooo confused. i love him. but i dont want to...i dont need to. we will never ever ever be together...and thats the truth. but even with that i still cant let him go. never can say good-bye.
senior06 time is runnin out! i'm gonna be in college soon. all mah college stuff is done and what not. like i noe i'm going to uncg and i noe i'm stayin the gorgan learning community. now money is were all tha problems enter. i still need to apply to more and more scholarships so that mah parents wont be too poor..lol or not. i dont noe time with definitely tell.

that should be enuff for now. thank u.

neon_brite @ 2005-12-04T22:43:00

2005-12-05T04:09:44Z

dang man i never update on mah boring life anymore. maybe because nothing ever happens and when it does i'm to lazy to put it on here. but here is sum stuff, so listen closely.

ok so it that time of year when ppl start acting crazy and spend all of their money on other ppl. HAPPY HOLIDAYS YALL!

*i'm in love. yes love, not "luv" not "love ya" but that real stuff. i really dont think that i need to be experiencing this so early in mah life. i mean the timing is all off and this person is not exactly "love material". he's not the one i would have picked but it just kinda happened. i mean dont get me wrong at all, there are soooooooooooo many other things that i love about him (obviously) but me and him just dont mesh well at all times. there are times however that we are just perfect then there are those other times that just dont make a lot of sense. for a really long time i tried to conceal this, like fa real fa real. but after a year and a half its time to realize that i do love him and maybe i always will.

good nite to all those lovebirds out there. lucky luckies.

neon_brite @ 2005-11-02T21:50:00

2005-11-03T03:16:17Z

things are never what they seem to be. even when they seem to be tha best that they can possible be....

well life has been pretty good for the past couple of weeks. i mean skool is tolerable and mah job is becoming enjoyable. i even won homecoming (which shocked the socks of mah toes) and a superlative. so i guess the people at mah skool do like me sumwhat. but nothing good can last for very long rite.

so i was (emphasis on the past tense) talkin to this boi named patrick. he was soooooooo innocent in everybody's eye (even mine). and i just knew he was bout to be mah next boo. i was so serious about this that he even got his own special ringtone (So Sexy) on mah phone....so how bout we dont speak for like 2wks. *rolling mah eyes* and then this fool is gonna call me talkin about our relationship and other bullish. and i wuz definitely NOT feeling anything he was tryin to say at all. so then (out of freakin nowhere) he feels compelled to "confess" to me (like i'm some Catholic priest) that the whole freakin time we been talkin (since aug.) he has been going wit sum chick! what in the f-ing world! i'm usually very alret about things of this sort but for sum unknown reason i was blown out of the water with this one. and then he figures that just becuz he broke up with his dip (for me of course) i'mma be like "awwwwwwwwwwww that is hella sweet" and forget all that crap. H TO THA NAW! if he would do that ish to her then he would try to pull tha same mess with me. and homie dont play that! and then he tryed to call today. and again i wasnt feelin him so that lame got DISMISSED!

stop tryin to play mah face...i just doesnt work.

one day...

neon_brite @ 2005-10-13T21:17:00

2005-10-14T01:39:17Z

this year aint no joke. errthang is so dang expensive. and errbody is so stuck on all tha crap. i mean i kinda wish i was back in ninth, but nah i'm in a good place.

a lot of things have happened in tha past month. so much. college is pending. i have not a clue as to what i really want to do next year. i'm so slow. its kinda sad. i mean i hope things we be aight. we got report cards today but i did just fine. the only thing is mah theatre arts class. for sum reason it just seems like our class is cursed or sumthing. we already done lost four, yes 4, students because of "serious" issues and its official that we wont be having a production this semester. this ish is bull. i mean come on. then there is mah best friend who i'm not on speakin terms with. and let is be known that really is all his fault but i cant help but to feel a lil bit guilty, just a lil bit. and we havent talked in like three weeks, which is absurd. oh i'm so sad.

but what about all tha good stuff. yeah there have been some good times. thank God for those times.

gotta get to updating more often, just gotta.

i've missed u

2005-09-10T04:37:02Z

dang, its been a serious min since i last updated in this old thing. (i think i got lost in tha sauce of myspace.) i will try to post more, pinkie swear.

ok so skool is bore. i mean hst is soooooo lame. i wonder what real high skool is like? prolly a million times better than what i'm workin with. whateva its almost ova and when it is i'mma be soooooooooo sad. i'm takin art which wuz not one of mah top choices for an elective. however i luv art and mr.hutchins. both are very cool. mah teacher is tha best because he breathes confidence.

luv is a life of tangles fa real. there is way too much going on but i'm good. its all good for now. i kinda miss a certain sumone but that feeling is a constant ordeal. i'm used to feelin that way. newayz i think i'm fallin for him.

neon_brite @ 2005-08-24T00:33:00

2005-08-24T04:46:46Z

oh no. skool is bout to be all up in mah life again. (yes that wuz a funny sentence but i like it). i'm thinkin that i'mma make strait As this yr simply becuz i'm on track with the 4.0 plan. we will just have to see how that is gonna go.

oh panera. i had to work today which messed up too much stuff and now i feel like a piece of bread. just so u noe, not a good feeling.

i wish i knew just what to do. but i'm not even remotely sure.

tomorrow i get mah babies back.

neon_brite @ 2005-08-17T11:10:00

2005-08-17T15:21:11Z

today i'm going to tha senior picnic, which should be very interesting. i hope that everybody hasnt changed into stuck up ppl. nah never that. well all i noe is that mr.d and tha new assistant better not burn mah burger up. cuz then i'mma be mad.

later on we are throwing Victoria a going away party cuz she is leaving Sat. so sad so sad. shes really cool ppl and i just met her. i'll have to go visit her or sumthing. it seems like all mah college friends are gone and neva coming back...its soo sad isnt it.

boys cant live with em, sho nuff cant live without them.

the day i been waitin for has arrived

2005-08-16T03:44:10Z

today went pretty well. i guess it went well. i sat at home all day. and ate a lot of food. then i went to highland to see if i could possibly get mah schedule fixed but chapman said there wuz nothin he could do. so i wuz a lil mad but i guess i'll be ok. i guess. so then after that i came strait home becuz i had no $ to be wastin on gas (it is soooooooo darn expensive now.) then i had a meeting a church that i really didnt want to attend but i did. then i left tha meeting and went to trent's house. then we went to tha movies. that wuz a lot of fun. i've missed him and i'm sooooo glad that we are gettin back tite. then after all that we went back to his house and chilled with tha parentals for a min and then i went home. well i had to stop at tha gas station on tha way home which i hate doing at nite time. i wuz hella scared. but God didnt let anything come up against me.

shucks...i missed Laguna.

good day good nite.

neon_brite @ 2005-08-01T23:25:00

2005-08-02T03:45:11Z

ok so today wuz pretty lame. tha only good things were...i woke up feeling good, i got Benny back, and Laguna Beach came on.

is it wrong for me to luuuuuuv Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County so much. yes i am African American and no i will neva be half as rich as LC, but i find great joy in watchin their "drama" filled lives unfold. i really hope that Stephan and LC hook up fa real, even thou i dont like LC becuz she looks like Marsha Brady. After being born with a funny face, Stephan only deserves to be happy and LC can do that. and i also cant wait til Jessica and Jason break up.

skool is soon to be here and that means that college is just around tha corner. i'm still not sure where i wanna be headin off to this time next year. i'm tryna get all this done early so i can be procastinatish.

neon_brite @ 2005-07-30T23:32:00

2005-07-31T03:45:57Z

so i guess i betta post sumthing to let yall noe that i'm doing ok.

nothin is really any different than the last time i posted. i work, i eat, i sleep. and that is pretty much how it really goes. i'm a lil sad becuz Benny, mah car, is in tha shop and i dont feel rite without him. but i'll feel betta monday when he returns home.

good nite livejournal.

feed up with mah feelings

2005-07-15T18:19:37Z

i feel that now it is important to run after all that i want. i mean i could die rite now and never accomplish half of the stuff that i would like to. so from now on i will take the good with the bad, risk getting laughed at, and just do things the way i feel like doing them. that means if i feel like sittin in mah room all day and doing nothing i will do that. if i feel like stopping in the middle of a white suburban neighborhood and doing the crip walk becuz Bow Wow is on tha radio, i will do that. nothing is gonna stop me from having fun and livin mah life to tha fullest. so now tha first thing on mah new life checklist is...gettin mah "luv" back. wish me luck*

a lil depressin isnt it?

2005-07-13T22:42:54Z

well, i kinda, what i meant to say was, i'm...oh neva mind.

its so pitiful. i mean why do bad things happen to good people? i just wanna be happy with sumone who wants to be happy with me...happy with whitney. is that too much to ask for? i didnt think it was but it is looking that way.

just felt that more needed to be said. i mean i thought, i really had it in mah mind that i had no feelings for this certain person. like i just knew that if i seen him on tha street i would cuss him out, cuss him slap out. but then when i saw him yesterday...i dunno...i just felt every single luvly emotion come rite back. and i could speak to him. i mean what would i say. mah sister said that he smiled at me when we passed, but what if she thought she saw sumthing that wuznt there? all i noe is that i hate this feeling and i would like to resolve this lil situation. grocery shopping is kinda fun. kinda not, well i blame tha not fun part on food lion becuz they were out of regular lettuce and they only had 2 baking potatoes.

neon_brite @ 2005-06-29T00:23:00

2005-06-29T04:31:09Z

been gone and it feels good to be home.

BET Awards 05- hotter than ur average. omarion threw down, and so did that gurl from the touch video. ciara is mah homie fa real, but wezzy? how she gonna just take mah man like that, it aint right. oh and will & jada, talk about black luv at its best. i'm so proud of them for standin up and representin like they did. mike jones, did u hear the rule about bringing ur pose on stage. probably not.

so mah <3 life is not anywhere close to being where it should be. i mean there are sum ppl in mind, but they dont seem to satisfy whatever it is that i'm lookin for. once again, it is so sad when i think of the <3 me and him could have shared. but that is in tha past and if it ever needs to be in the present/future, it will find its way to tha surface.

neon_brite @ 2005-06-13T13:17:00

2005-06-13T17:29:35Z

so summer has been good. i mean all i do is sleep and work. which to me is fine. i'm very excited becuz in a few days i will be cruzing with mah family. i'm a lil nervous but that's ok.

last week mah mama wuz running in our hood like she usually does and she found sum (a very good adjective) puppies. we have had them ever since. they are sooo cute. i luv already. winter and autumn are their names. i feel like they were meant for us, even if mah daddy doesnt like them.

since i'm not in skool rite now i've been watchin a lot of tv. a lot of tv. and on one of the shows sumone said that you never really stop loving your first love. i wonder if that is true?

thinkin about college is not very fun.

neon_brite @ 2005-05-27T23:32:00

2005-05-28T03:45:51Z

what a day. what a week.

seeing as i have nothing to do but sit around and work, i'm hella bored. i'm kinda excited about next week...i'm going to project uplift. that should be interesting. just got off work and man do i hate the fact that money doesnt grow on trees. (if it did tha world would be a much better place for u and for me.) when i got to mah car i found that i had 2 missed calls from 2 very different ppl. it made chuckle.

the highlite of mah day...the moment i've waited for since monday arrived at 3:55pm. PHILIP SPALDING'S KILLER WAS REVEALED! talk about pure excitement! i thought it was olivia however it was alan, philip's dad! what in the freaking world is that about?!

_i'm in love with a person.sumthing has to give._

yuck for tha sumah

2005-05-26T17:58:31Z

another year...gone down tha drain. just got mah report card....and yes, i will be joining all those former junior as seniors. doesnt that sound scary!? i'm not even sure what college i want to be at or what i want to be pursuing there. so i guess i better hop to that sumtime soon.

so little time.

summer is for workin

all that glitter is not gold

2005-05-08T01:39:37Z

many times (too many times) i exaggerate to the umpteenth degree. this is indeed why mah feelings are often left stranded in various places. i feel that i love to hard and hate to soft. so maybe its time for a change. and we all noe how i feel about change.

it so crazy when u think about it. i mean here i am sittin in mah house on one of tha few free saturdays that i have. chillin. eatin japanese, listenin to fantasia and chillin. how and why do things change. i mean what sparks that initial thing that sparks the end? i noe God is over everything and He has everything in control, but its sumthing to think about.

sat was harder than i wanted it to be. i dont see the point in sitting in a strange-big red-smelling for four hours testing mah scholastic abilities. and i also dont see the point in paying forty-some dollars to take it. nonetheless thank jacob for talkin to me in the hall while we didnt have a room. i would have been lonesome without u.

i guess that is all i want to let off mah chest right now.

neon_brite @ 2005-04-29T22:55:00

2005-04-30T03:14:45Z

prom be coming.prom be coming.prom be coming.prom be coming.prom be coming.prom be coming.

i'm a little sick/nervous/excited rite now. but this too shall pass.

learning to play tha guitar is hard work but if i ever want to be like those kool kats that can play i better put tha pedal to tha medal.

prom checklist
-dress_check
-shoes_check (well kinda, i need some flip flops)
-purse_
-hair/nails/toes/etc_

looks like things are gonna be kinda hectic on tomorrow.

even thou its been offical-i still feel like u owe me sumthing-what, i do not noe-but something-after all this time u still have the ablity to make mah heart beat unusually-could it be that i wuz in...in...luv?

-nah, nigga!

I wanna show you all my love
I wanna be the only one
I know you like nobody ever, baby_-_from those Queens

u cant play MF

2005-04-27T00:47:23Z

no postin time lately....

i find that a lot of tha time i like to sleep. sleep and me are tha best of buds.

lookin at mahself in tha mirror of emotions i realized that i have changed a lot since times before. i'm not tha same lil gurl that wuz in luv with howie last year. i am kinda proud of mahself. it makes me feel good to know that i have evolved from all of that childish mess i used to be a part of.

i wish i had trust in all of u livejournal readers, however dont feel bad, i trust none.

after tryin on mah dress and shoes i now know that prom is gonna be very painful. i cant wait til this overated day is over! i can't wait!